quadruple bypass blogging

fellow blogger jaggd wrote a really interesting post recently about his motivation for blogging...or, as the post explains, perhaps his recent lack thereof.

ever since i moved to blogspot from pitas, i've been trying to keep my posts minimally about my personal life; i enjoy putting up interesting articles and recommendations so people can see what i am interested in, but i've been trying not to get too detailed. my biggest exception, as i think is natural, is when i am upset; this is the time when i feel most alone, and thus need to "vent" the most.

ironically, this is the time when words are most difficult for me to form. how do you talk about yourself and your issues without sounding really, painfully, self-involved? tricky.

what's more, it is during these periods that i feel zero motivation to write. part of it is that, like my friend, i think that no one is going to read it anyway. no one cares. that is a powerful toxin to creative expression, i think.

another part of it is that lack of motivation comes part and parcel with feeling blue; it's a defining characteristic, in fact.

the other thing that happens is that i write, and then i hate what i produce. i strive to be funny, insightful, interesting...then i end up positive i sound ridiculous, like i am trying too hard. it's an interesting beast. [blogger's note: another fellow blogger and old friend sakusha also has some very eloquent words about inspiration and writing. click the link & search the page for post title "broken silence" and "disjointed ramble."]

anyway, i had a blog post planned tonight to touch a bit on the topic of hospitals. my grandfather is going in for a quadruple bypass tomorrow. the post might have reflected on my decision tonight that i really do not like hospitals (tonight being only my third hospital experience i can remember), also fattened up a bit with facts that i gathered about the procedure from web md (which, if you have never visited, is an awesome site - UNLESS YOU ARE SICK), and, as can only be expected, perhaps a couple thoughts on death as well.

but you know what? it just seemed too personal.

so i got to thinking about blogging. i used to (and still do) blog about personal things, and as you can probably already tell, i certainly have no problem not shutting up! about philosophical/psychological things. so what's the issue? i'm not sure.

somewhere between planning my post tonight and typing it up, the elusive feeling i was trying to capture somehow . . . changed. and you know, maybe that is the point of blogging? to just capture those really thin slivers of perspective in that one teensy, particular moment, before all the other emotions/fears/things you are trying to express take center stage for their moment.

honey, where are my shades?

i have a ton of family staying with us this week. a fun fact i learned from my aunt, while we were chatting about the rain in seattle and the high suicide rates:

"did you know that seattle also has the highest purchasing rate for sunglasses? it's because we use our sunglasses so infrequently. lots of time to get lost. here, you use them every day - but try finding them after nine months of rain! everyone just goes out and buys a new pair!"

hehe!

comics 1 - plight of the hero

okay, so a really long time ago i mentioned that i was working (intermittently) on a post about why i love comics/graphic novels. with the rapidly rising interest in the comic book realm in mainstream media (this is the goldmine that filmmakers will be mining steadily for the next few years), i figure i'd better start posting installments or my thoughts may become outdated ridiculously soon.

here is part 1 - some thoughts on the heroes of these stories.

plight of the hero(ine)

my main example here is buffy. i know it's not a comic book per say, but the theme that i love most about it is the same - she alone is the one girl who has been given the exceptional responsibility of having to save the world from everything that has ever and could ever go wrong. the way joss tells the story, no one else, not even the others in her scooby gang, can begin to understand what she goes through, and the sacrifices she has to make; she didn't ask for it, it's a life destined for hardship and sacrifice, and yet she does it, she puts herself on the line every time there's peril, in order to save those she loves (as well as those who will never know what she's done).

it's the same concept as in xmen, and rising stars and to a lighter extent spiderman, and i love it, the whole sense of forced loneliness and duty, that no one else could possibly understand what it means to live life the way you do, cause nothing is easy and no one can help and no one appreciates you, even though you try your damndest and you have the best of intentions. the paradox here, of course, is that as a viewer or reader is meant to empathize with the character, to feel just as they do. paradoxical since the idea is that each of us are the only ones who do. we are the only ones who get close-ups of buffy's off-screen melancholy glances, and peter parker's interior monologues via thought balloons as he flies through new york city. i'm being cheeky now, but it's true, and it's the whole point - that's *why* our superheroes are our age and that's why joss whedon and stan lee give them everyday woes on top of their superhero woes, we're *meant* to align ourselves with them. and that is why we love them!

there is also very much a sense of anger about the forced mediocrity that comes with hiding that secret identity. i just re-watched the incredibles tonight, and this is a thought that movie handles very well, the idea that the world might verbally tell you that to be special is what to strive for, but punishes you if you are. x-men adds an extra twist to this by having the core group divided, a clear line between those mutants who could pass as human, versus those who couldn't (mystique, nightcrawler, beast).

for those with that option, it's an intriguing concept because, particularly drawing the parallel with teens, it's a toss up for how one is going to be able to survive those high school hallways...stand up for what your tastes are, and let the bullies have at it, or suffer the fools and their stupid ideas while protecting yourself. the kids who succeed at school (and i don't mean academically) will tell you that it's possible to do both ("don't compromise, people will respect that"), but most of the rest of us know better.