secrets, secrets, secrets...

"secrets"

from cave canum, an anonymous forum for secrets:

10141.

There is this thing you do with a computer server where you can “ping” it. It means you send a message to the computer asking if it is OK. The computer responds back with the equivalent of a “yep”. That’s it. A status check in the simplest form possible.

I wish I could “ping” my friends. I don’t have the time everyday to call each of them and ask about their day. I don’t have the bandwidth to get the full download and hear stories about what he said and what the jerk in the office did and how your sister was mean. Sometimes a simple “ping” would be so much better.

“You OK?”

“Yep.”

I think we have a lot to learn from computers.

check it out. which secrets were posted by someone you know?

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"secrets"

from postsecret, art form and therapy packaged together:



it's haunting. updated every sunday.

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"secrets"

last semester, i had this breakdown. it was during finals, when i honestly thought there was no hope for me, which is silly, but silliness doesn't necessarily preclude me from feeling it.

i think i just get delicate when i get stressed. like, everything is precarious, there is a genuine need for someone else to ground me, for perhaps only the simple reason that during those times, i just don't know that i can do it myself. when sam was here, he was my grounding factor. without him, it's more of a toss up; i have friends but they have their lives as well, and i can't really blame them for not having the time to pick up the slack that i - in all reality - DO have the ability to handle myself.

it's all about perspective, i think. when you're in the thick of it, it just doesn't seem...doable. the road, the path, on and out, isn't obvious. it's like spelling lisp with an s. fuck that shit. isn't that when you need the clarity of mind the most, when you're stuck and hurting and need to be anywhere but where you are, and THAT's when the mind chooses to show you no options?

so here's my secret. i try and i try to be the most rational creature i can. but sometimes being a girl takes over, and i can't disentangle from the wicked self-esteem issues. the trick is to be able to hide it, i suppose, which brings forth another question:

what happens to those few whom you rely on to help get you out of those messes? my friends, the ones who know not only when i need their help but also what to do - does their being privy to the more pathetic Me mean that they think i'm sad? that they don't want to come back and help the next time?

it's a delicate balance, no?

a little power...

an open letter. to the librarian who keeps telling me how to sit in the library.

LOOK!

i am asian! i like to be barefoot! i especially like to be barefoot when i study! because studying law, my friend, SUCKS.

it is a miserable experience. there is too much to know. and not enough time to learn aforementioned knowledge. and it's not just that i have to know some stuff about the law! i am also expected to know MORE THAN EVERYONE ELSE about the law. do you see?! do you see how those three elements combined are inherently counterintuitive to the concept of doing well?

so anything that i can do to make myself feel better - I NEED right now!

YES. that does include me showing up in your library in sweatpants and subjecting you to the unfortunate sight of my un-makeup-ed, undone hair "ensemble." to be fair, i always try to pair said pants with a cute tank top, but trust me, i understand it's not a pleasant sight. when you consider it in a package with my less-than-sparkling personality right now, I GET THAT I AM NOT A SYMPATHETIC SOUL.

BUT I NEED THIS. i need to be able to sit cross-legged on your incredibly uncomfortable wooden chairs and bang my forehead alternately on the glass table top and my casebook. please don't tell me it is a "health risk." i buy on average 10 books from your used bookstore every six weeks! you make a profit on me! DONT YOU FEEL I HAVE EARNED THIS? *sobbing* GO AWAY...



deep breaths. in closing, thank you for your free wifi. thank you for your fabulous comic book collection. but leave me alone with how i sit. thanks.

jadis.

ps. how about staying open a lil' later than 9pm, eh? smooches.

so we'll go no more a-roving

so, we'll go no more a-roving
so late into the night,
though the heart be still as loving,
and the moon be still as bright.


for the sword outwears its sheath,
and the soul wears out the breast,
and the heart must pause to breathe,
and love itself must rest.


though the night was made for loving,
and the day returns too soon,
yet we'll go no more a-roving
by the light of the moon.


[thanks, lord b.]

manipulating wiki?? politians, have some dignity! - article

seriously? politics leaves such a bad taste in my mouth.

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Campaign manager resigns amid Wikipedia flap
Biography altered to include candidate's son's DUI arrest

From Peter Hamby
CNN
Wednesday, April 26, 2006; Posted: 9:10 p.m. EDT (01:10 GMT)

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- A Georgia gubernatorial candidate accepted the resignation of her campaign manager Wednesday after he was accused of changing the online Wikipedia biography of an opponent in the upcoming Democratic primary.

Secretary of State Cathy Cox's opponent, Lt. Gov. Mark Taylor, said Cox campaign manager Morton Brilliant altered an online encyclopedia entry to include a reference to Taylor's son being arrested for DUI after an accident that killed his passenger.

Wikipedia may be edited by anyone.

"We have reviewed the situation carefully and everything I have seen in this short period of time indicates that the posting originated from my campaign office," Cox said. "I am genuinely sorry for any anguish this incident has caused the Taylor family."

The resignation came after Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales confirmed that the addition to the biography came from an IP address affiliated with the Cox campaign.

Taylor spokesman Rick Dent said earlier Wednesday that the Cox campaign was "exploiting a tragedy for political reasons." He also asked for an apology from Cox and for Brilliant to be fired.

Cox said she made it clear to her staff that the incident with Taylor's son was off limits during the campaign.

"Today, I have once again made it clear to my staff that personal attacks, especially on the family members of candidates, are completely off limits and not at all in keeping with my desire to change the mean and bitter tone of politics," Cox said.

The original addition to Taylor's Wikipedia biography read: "Taylor's son Fletcher recently was involved in an alcohol-related car accident. The passenger in his car, whom Fletcher identified as his best friend, was killed. Currently, Fletcher is in an alcohol treatment facility awaiting trial."

By Wednesday night, it had been edited to read, "Taylor's son, Fletcher, was charged with driving under the influence (DUI) after crashing his car on August 18, 2005, in Charleston, South Carolina, killing his passenger."

The biography also included a reference to Brilliant resigning.

Taylor and Cox are to square off in the Georgia Democratic primary July 18. The winner will challenge Republican Gov. Sonny Perdue.

This is not the first time a Wikipedia entry has caused a flap. Because anyone may edit an entry, the site has become a popular tool among politicians wishing to slam a rival or laud themselves.

According to The Associated Press, the problem is so widespread that Wikipedia has tightened its submission guidelines and set up alerts so that its operators know when Capitol Hill staffers edit online profiles.

One of the most well-known instances of an error on the site involved John Seigenthaler Sr., whose Wikipedia biography said that he was linked to the assassinations of John F. Kennedy and Robert F. Kennedy. The man who posted the false information later said he was playing a joke, but only after the information had been on the site for 132 days and had been picked up by other Web sites.

Seigenthaler, a retired journalist and Robert Kennedy's administrative assistant in the early 1960s, wrote a November column in USA Today calling Wikipedia a "flawed and irresponsible research tool."

"When I was a child, my mother lectured me on the evils of 'gossip,' " Seigenthaler wrote in the column. "She held a feather pillow and said, 'If I tear this open, the feathers will fly to the four winds, and I could never get them back in the pillow. That's how it is when you spread mean things about people.' For me, that pillow is a metaphor for Wikipedia."

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kindly borrowed from a codejoy post. go check out his site & his flickr photos, they are lovely!

movie reviews, movie reviews, x2 - inside man & v for vendetta

whew! so, after quite some time of not posting, here I am in a triumphant return with not one, but two - yes, count them, two! – movie reviews for the faithful readership. ah, the gods must be smiling, and there must be work that I need to procrastinate on.


first things first! the new release, spike lee’s inside man.

disclaimer: there’s a heavy bias b/c I adore clive owen. I can’t imagine a better time than lying around with him in bed all day, snogging, and having him talk into my ear in that f-ing accent. that said, spike lee’s done well here…it’s an interesting mystery, and the three principals are solid as to be expected - although clive, the most engaging and subtle of the three, spends nearly all his time behind a mask, whereas on the other end of the spectrum, Jodie foster’s and denzel washington’s characters really felt canned at certain points. by that I mean, not quite that they were playing stereotypes, but…there were not a lot of personal motivations revealed, either, and so they just became caricatures at times.

the film is well shot and very interesting to watch – new york is always a fine supporting actor, and spike knows how to set up a shot so that the environment, and the framing, help underscore the tone of what’s going on. the biggest issue I had was really with the ending, which I didn’t find as satisfying as a mystery should end. neither of the big reveals meant that much to me emotionally, and – dare I compare it – ocean’s 11 is actually a lot slicker with its conclusion. naturally, the two are trying to accomplish different things - inside man has some on-point commentary about race and suspicion in our day and age, along with its fair share of snarky one liners – but all the same, the emotional impact I came to expect after 25th hour just wasn’t there.

an interesting tangent. I was thinking about what could have been done to make me react differently to this aspect - that is, what element the film could have had that I’d give it more emotional investment. and I came across a sad answer! I would have liked for denzel’s character to be put in more danger somehow, so that I would care more about him solving the mystery. the reason this is a sad answer is b/c I am essentially asking for an element of emotional manipulation…I’m hyper aware of this fact, usually, and it’s one of the beefs I have with the end of crash - it’s a great movie, but I HATE how it manipulates me emotionally. yet, here I sat, kind of wishing for something to happen to denzel’s girlfriend or partner or something. I think, in the end, there must be some middle ground – that the answer is neither the typical movie cop-out (think of every bruce willis cop movie you’ve ever seen, were his loved ones EVER safe?), nor the cold, sterile route that was taken…not quite sure what that could have been, yet. let me think on it.


next – the fabulous v for vendetta!

Natalie Portman is just stupendous as the face of this movie. everything she does is spot-on, never too thick, always captivating to watch. surprisingly, she comes off as older here than in closer; although I’m not sure exactly what age she was supposed to be in that film, but for a stripper she had a surprisingly innocent ingénue quality that didn’t seem quite coherent with the rest of the movie & actors. here, she’s far more grounded, and it suits both her style and her character. hugo weaving’s acting is all in his voice, and here is the impressive thing about that – both his matrix and lotr characters had uniquely pronounced voices as well, yet the one he dons for this movie is entirely distinct in different ways. it’s perfect for the lyrical quality his lines have – even days after seeing the film, I can hear clearly his intonation of the movie’s clutch phrases, “remember, remember the fifth of November” and “people should not be afraid of their governments. governments should be afraid of their people.” the voice he uses even lets him get away with an otherwise fairly cheesy monologue filled to the brim with words beginning with “v” (a writer’s feat, to be sure, but even when done correctly is borderline too much for some).

beware, for those of you who are not really comic book fans, this movie IS very stylistic, from its colors to its language to the sets and costumes. of course, I loved this about it. =) go watch. enjoy.

i wish i had a perfect memory! - article

Woman With Perfect Memory Baffles Scientists

James McGaugh is one of the world's leading experts on how the human memory system works. But these days, he admits he's stumped.

McGaugh's journey through an intellectual purgatory began six years ago when a woman now known only as AJ wrote him a letter detailing her astonishing ability to remember with remarkable clarity even trivial events that happened decades ago.

Give her any date, she said, and she could recall the day of the week, usually what the weather was like on that day, personal details of her life at that time, and major news events that occurred on that date.

Like any good scientist, McGaugh was initially skeptical. But not anymore.

"This is real," he says.

Soon after AJ took over his life, McGaugh teamed with two fellow researchers at the University of California at Irvine. Elizabeth Parker, a clinical professor of psychiatry and neurology (and lead author of a report on the research in the current issue of the journal Neurocase), and Larry Cahill, an associate professor of neurobiology and behavior, have joined McGaugh in putting AJ through an exhaustive series of interviews and psychological tests. But they aren't a lot closer today to understanding her amazing ability than they were when they started.
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"We are trying to find out, but we haven't hit 'bingo' yet," says McGaugh.

His initial hypothesis, like several others, has turned out to be wrong -- or at least incomplete.

McGaugh has spent decades studying how such things as stress hormones and emotions affect memory, and at first he thought AJ's memories were of such emotional power that she couldn't forget them.

But that hypothesis fell short of the mark when it became obvious that "the woman who can't forget" remembers trivial details as clearly as major events. Asked what happened on Aug 16, 1977, she knew that Elvis Presley had died, but she also knew that a California tax initiative passed on June 6 of the following year, and a plane crashed in Chicago on May 25 of the next year, and so forth. Some may have had a personal meaning for her, but some did not.

"Here's a woman who has very strong memories, but she has very strong memories of things for which I have no memory at all," McGaugh says.

That became particularly clear one day when he asked her out of the blue if she knew who Bing Crosby was.

"I wasn't sure she would know, because she's 40 and wasn't of the Bing Crosby era," he says.

But she did.

"Do you know where he died?" McGaugh asked.

"Oh yes, he died on a golf course in Spain," she answered, and provided the day of the week and the date when the crooner died.

When the researchers asked her to list the dates when they had interviewed her, she "just reeled them off, bang, bang, bang."

She also told McGaugh that on the day after a particular interview, which took place several years ago, he flew to Germany.

"I said what? I went to Germany? I couldn't even remember what year I had gone to Germany," he says.

That level of recall suggests another hypothesis. Some people are able to recall past events by categorizing them. Certain events, or facts, are associated with others, and filed away together so that they may be easier to access. That's a trick that is often used by entertainers who use feats of memory to wow their audience.

AJ does have "some sort of compulsive tendencies. She wants order in her life," McGaugh says. "As a child, she would get upset if her mother changed anything in her room because she had a place for everything and wanted everything in its place.

"So she does categorize events by the date, but that doesn't explain why she remembers it."

Also, her degree of recall is so much greater than any other person's in the scientific literature that it seems unlikely to be the complete answer, McGaugh adds.

She is also quite different from savants who have surfaced from time to time with extraordinary abilities in music, art or memory.

"Some of them can remember every single detail about the particular hobby that they have, such as baseball or calendars or art, but they are very narrow," he says. McGaugh described one person who could memorize a piece of music instantly, and not forget it, but who "couldn't make change or couldn't take a bus because he didn't know where he was."

By contrast, AJ is a " fully functioning person," McGaugh says.

The researchers are preparing to take their work in a new direction in hopes of understanding what is going on here. It's possible AJ's brain is wired differently, and that may show up through magnetic resonance imaging. Testing is expected to begin within six months.

"We will be looking at her brain, using brain scanning techniques, to see if there's anything that is dramatically different that we can point to," McGaugh says.

Those of us with normal, very fallible memories function somewhat like a computer in that different areas of our brains are interconnected and thus better-suited for general memories. We know where we live and how to get to work, but we may not know what the weather was like on this date four years ago.

It's possible that AJ's brain has some "disconnections" that help her recall past events from her memory bank without interference from the parts of her brain that act as general processors. But the problem is that even if they find some interesting wiring through brain scans, the researchers will be limited in their conclusions by the fact that AJ seems to be unique.

So unique, in fact, that the Irvine team has given her condition a new name. They call it hyperthymestic syndrome, based on the Greek word thymesis for "remembering" and hyper, meaning "more than normal."

Some day, the researchers say, they hope to know what's different about AJ's brain, but they are still a ways off.

"In order to explain a phenomenon you have to first understand the phenomenon," McGaugh says. "We're at the beginning."

your studies of fringe new york streets...

last night i dreamt that i was you. i was dressed all in black with dark glasses and attitude.
such a pose i could simply not hold through days in a northern town that i had once called a home.
your studies of fringe new york streets... i was reading the pavement in every work you would speak.
to a "brownstone up three flights of stairs" and it's on...
buying drinks for the poets upstate, this southern corruption towed you down the interstate,
and they all said that you were the king of gloomy disruption that surfaced when you would speak.
this town simply cannot compete so i'm packing my bullets and silverstones
and heading east to a "brownstone up three flights of stairs" and it's on...
if i could have had my way this year would bridge '66 again
trust fund hipsters were casing the room chock full of amphetamines.
the overturned kick drum book set the pace with incomparable cool.
and if the tempo was lousy it was lost on all but you...

(death cab)

photo blog 2 - eddie money says, take me home tonight

everyday, i take the metro home from downtown LA.

union station is the primary hub in downtown; i love it, it's very quintessential LA - you know, palm trees out front, always a movie being shot (actually, the tv shows numbers and alias both like to shoot here, too). i like how the architecture is very old style hollywood, right down to the font (i love the font!), and the interior is big but not bustling in an intimidating way, like grand central or anything.


LOL this dude was crazy. look at his outfit!!


stairs that lead down to the red line.






the red line approaches.


i like this shot. i wanted to see what my ears would look like with the ipod earbuds, and when i looked at the photo, i was surprised - i forgot about the flower in my hair.


i wondered what this guy's story was. who were those flowers for? =) lucky person.


The train passes over the LA reservoir.