Wednesday, July 13, 2005

i love mcsweeneys

Authorial Candy Bars, with Their Respective Tag Lines, That Weren't as Successful as the Oh Henry! Candy Bar.
BY JONATHAN SHIPLEY

- - - -

Nietzsche Bar—"Chocolate is dead."

Orwell Bar—"Eat this treat and help blot out the bloody stain of Stalin's Russia."

Barrie's Berry Snacks—"The official candy of faeries."

Chaucer Sweet Cheese Bar—"Of harmes two the lesse is for to cheese."

Melville Bar—"Call me tasty."

Dollop of Trollope—"Victorianesque in its chocolate decadence."

James Joyce Candy Bar—"Episode I: Tele-munch-us."

E.A. Poe Candy Balls—"Keeping time, time, time, / In a sort of Runic rhyme, / To the tintinnabulation that so musically wells / From the Candy Balls, Candy Balls, Candy Balls."

Mrs. Dalloway Treats—"Woolf these down!"

Wilde Bar—"A taste so good it'll be better than being sentenced to two years of hard labor for the crime of sodomy."



Things Not Overheard at a Conceptual-Art Gallery Opening.
BY JASON PERSSE

- - - -

"White wine, red wine. Who do I have to fuck to get a Capri Sun around here?"

"Now that you mention it, I have no idea who designed this shirt."

"Does naming the work 'Chaos' belie the artist's reliance upon a sparse, monochromatic field, or am I just a pretentious douchebag?"

"Well, that's obvious, but what do the other three midgets represent?"

"Let me get this straight—the artist is gay and German? You just blew my mind."

"I can't. I have to work tomorrow."

Monday, July 11, 2005

obligatory tomkat satire - article

Holmes Sweet Holmes
She's landed the role of a lifetime - the beautiful bride of the world's biggest movie star. What's so weird about that?

By Robert Haskell

The statistics on arranged marriage are surprising. In every country where it is still common practice, including Afghanistan, India, Iraq, Iran and, to a lesser extent, Japan, an arranged marriage has a higher success rate than a so-called "love marriage."

It's impossible to say what this augurs for Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise. Of course, theirs isn't an arranged marriage—though it was certainly arranged quickly. The awesomely public couple had all of six weeks, during much of which Holmes was on the Batman Begins junket, to decide that they loved each other, that they wanted to spend their lives together and that they would buck Hollywood convention, to say nothing of common sense, and sing their joy from the mountaintops (or from flashbulb-blitzed press conferences, red carpets and vastly popular TV talk shows). Arranged marriages are measured, often solemn affairs; the fist-pumping pomp of the Cruise-Holmes union is another story. And the more times Holmes tells it, the stranger it sounds.

"I've found the man of my dreams," says the 26-year-old actress, sitting in a bathrobe as a manicurist paints her nails the color of kryptonite and a stylist teases her hair into wavelets in preparation for her W photo shoot. It's 8 a.m., and Holmes looks astonishingly fresh for a woman who taped several television shows the previous day before heading back to Cruise's New York apartment, putting on her sweatpants and UGG slippers, and settling in for a late movie with her sweetheart. "From the moment I met him," she continues, "it just felt like I'd known him forever. I was blown away. He's the most incredible man. He's so generous and kind, and he helps so many people, and, um, he makes me laugh like I've never laughed, and he's a great friend.…"

This is how the conversation begins; this is also how it continues, and how it ends. No question can do much to change its course.

Do you worry that this might be a rebound romance for either of you?

"I've never met anyone like Tom," Holmes replies, her beautiful green eyes focused on nothing in particular.

Do you ever wonder whether this is just a honeymoon phase?

"Tom and I will always be in our honeymoon phase."

Did you learn anything in your previous relationship (five years with actor Chris Klein, which came to an end when they called off their engagement this past winter) that has been a benefit to this one?

"Chris and I care about each other and we're still friends. Tom is the most incredible man in the world."

Do you feel that, with more relationship experience, you get better at resolving conflicts?

"Meeting Tom—I'm just exhilarated. He makes me laugh, we have fun, we understand each other, everything is so aligned. I feel so lucky and so—like I've been given such a gift, such a gift, you know?" She pauses. "And it's just really amazing."

If Holmes were actually answering the questions posed—rather than simply reciting the same mantralike love letter—she'd be making a somewhat provocative point: Her relationship is not like other relationships, with their conflicts, compromises and complications; there will be no apology flowers, nights spent on the couch or couples therapy for these two (as a practicing Scientologist, Cruise strongly disapproves of psychiatry).

Is there anything you guys don't have in common?

"You know, we appreciate each other."

Has it been a challenge to make his kids feel comfortable?

"They're just exceptional people."

Isn't it an adjustment to move in with someone—and after only a month? (In late May, Holmes packed up her apartment in Hollywood's El Royale complex and moved into Cruise's Beverly Hills manse.)

"He's the man of my dreams."

Does he leave his dirty socks on the bedroom floor? Something? Anything?

"No."

The lady doth protest not nearly enough. It's impossible, even for a moment, to slip under the halo of cartoon hearts dancing around Holmes's head—which partly explains why the media has so relished the project of puncturing her happiness ever since it was first broadcast, from the David di Donatello awards in Rome, on April 29. (Even People magazine, a typically unwavering Hollywood celebrant, has published polls indicating that the majority of its readers believe "TomKat" is a hoax.) Though Holmes's star has surely risen, its motion is more akin to the teacup ride at the fairground: a spin that brings queasiness, not thrills.

Anyone who has seen photos from the couple's June tour of European capitals in support of their summer movies will recognize the tall, cold-eyed Jessica Rodriguez, a third wheel at all of Holmes's recent public appearances. Rodriguez, 29, was described to me as Holmes's "Scientologist chaperone," and it was clear that she would be on hand during our interview despite my protests. Polite and restrained but alert to troublesome questions, Rodriguez chimes in only to offer an amen following one of Holmes's rhapsodies. ("You adore him," Rodriguez says after the actress explains that she can't keep her hands off Cruise.) But she rises from her chair when Holmes is asked how she feels about the widespread disbelief in her new union.

"The truth is, we don't read that stuff because it's just rude," Rodriguez says—referring to rumors that Cruise made a financial arrangement with Holmes (after auditioning a field of other young starlets, including Scarlett Johansson, Jessica Alba and Kate Bosworth). When I suggest that the televised hyperbolizing of their happiness may have undercut its credibility, Rodriguez asks, "Have you ever been in love? You just want to share it with the world." I suggest that many couples prefer to cherish the feeling privately, especially in the delicate first months. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, whatever the nature of their relationship, come to mind.

"But why can't they go public, you know what I mean?" Rodriguez continues. "Like, Brad and Angelina—that's just a shame for them. Right, Katie?"

"Yeah. I mean, I'm just so happy," Holmes says in reply as a makeup artist begins to powder her cheeks. (Holmes's skin, in contrast to the evidence of a recent barrage of embarrassing tabloid photos, is perfect.) "And I love celebrating our happiness. I can't keep it in."

Meanwhile, the tabloids report that friends back in Toledo, Ohio, where Holmes grew up, are worried about her. ("People who say that aren't my friends," she says.) They wonder whether Cruise is sabotaging her career by steering her away from roles that deal with subject matter that Scientology disapproves of?in particular, the role of the drug-addled Edie Sedgwick in George Hickenlooper's upcoming Factory Girl, which Holmes pulled out of. "Tom's so supportive and he's such an inspiration," she protests.

"I just felt that the role wasn't right for me, and in light of my Batman Begins schedule and everything, it was just not the right time. When I pick roles, I ask, first, Is this a story that I want to tell? Can I help move this story along, and will I be an asset to it? I'm excited to keep expanding and finding different roles to play." What about a film with Cruise? "That would be such an honor. Such an honor."

Cruise may not be imposing his will on Holmes's career, but, with Rodriguez's help, he appears to have made a strong bid for her soul. After the interview, when I ask Rodriguez how long she's worked with Holmes—reports call her a longtime employee of the Church of Scientology—she waves her hand and says, "Oh, no, we're just best friends.… Well, Katie has a lot of friends." And how long have you been friends? "Oh, a while," Rodriguez answers. "I don't know."

It turns out the two women were introduced only six weeks earlier—right around the time when Holmes met Cruise. (Holmes prefers to keep the details of the couple's first date to herself, but Cruise is said to have invited her to a sushi dinner on his plane.) Rodriguez comes from a family of wealthy Bay area Scientologists; she attended a boarding school in Oregon linked to Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard, then went to work for the church, reportedly attaining membership in the Sea Org—Scientology's elite religious order, whose members commit to the church for one billion years—in 1998. No one close to Holmes will venture to say exactly what Rodriguez's role in the actress's life is these days.

On the day we meet, Holmes tells me she's not a Scientologist. (Three days later, in Europe, she will announce that she has converted.) "You know, it's really exciting," the actress says of the religion. "I just started auditing"—Scientology's word for receiving spiritual counseling—"and I'm taking some courses, and I really like it. I feel it's really helping. What I like about it is that, you know, I was raised Catholic, and you can be a Catholic and a Scientologist, Jewish and a Scientologist." Holmes went to Notre Dame Academy, a Catholic high school in Toledo, and was accepted at Columbia University before she landed the role of the lovelorn tomboy Joey Potter on Dawson's Creek. Her parents, devout Catholics, are said to be a weekly fixture at Christ the King church in Toledo. "I'm learning," Holmes says, as the makeup artist applies eye shadow, "to celebrate my own spirit, my own being."

No pressure from Cruise, she swears: "That's really ludicrous because, I mean, you have to know Tom. He is the most loving, generous man who… first of all, he wants to help people. He doesn't put pressure on people. He is the kindest, smartest, most adoring man. It's a pleasure and a privilege to be with him."

As if that weren't already perfectly clear, just then a security guard lumbers into the dressing room and presents Holmes with a giant silver box tied in a thick purple ribbon. A small crowd gathers to watch her gleefully tear open the package and pluck out a Chanel diamond necklace—a gift, naturally, from Cruise. "He's my man! He's my man!" she screams, then jumps up on her chair to do an impression of her fiancé's now-famous sofa shtick from Oprah.

People begin to cheer. "This is your moment!" cries the manicurist.

[blogger's note: that is MY FAVORITE line in the entire article, LOL - '"This is YOUR MOMENT!" cries the manicurist.']

"I can do splits too," Holmes says, jumping down and splaying herself across the floor. On that note, I suggest, we should probably get the photo shoot started.

"On that note," she replies, "I love him."

"Holmes Sweet Holmes" by Robert Haskell has been edited for Style.com; the complete story appears in the August 2005 issue of W.

Friday, July 08, 2005

kirby on the DS

i have never been a gamer. i wasn’t allowed a nintendo when i was younger, and even though i had a gameboy in its original, hulky, grey, “classic” form, i never had a PS2, or an xbox or anything, not even in college. ryry’s got a gamecube which i play occasionally, but it’s always been his.

so, really, i wasn’t prepared for addiction. but alas, someone, with tricksy methods (“here, borrow mine for as long as you want”) and dishonest lures (“c’mon, i’ll give you a $20 subsidy! think of all the fun times we’ll have together!”) convinced me to buy my own nintendo DS.

and now there is no stopping the madness.

the DS itself came with a free game (Super Mario 64 DS, which is freaking *hard* by the way) and then i was also given a free Feel the Magic, which i like to think toes the line btwn offensive objectification of women and evidence that the japanese have deeply rooted sexuality issues (who am i kidding, there is no line! and the game is a blast!).

but the real kicker happens to be a pink roundling called kirby.

it’s wes’s fault again, his obsession with penny arcade means that i drop in on the site once in a while. i do enjoy the comics, though i don’t get all of them cause they’re too nerdy-gamer funny for me (occasionally it does speak directly to me –i nearly freaked out at a serenity strip). there was one game review, though, that i loved, the writing was funny and the review part is always quite reliable:

I did refer to the nintendo ds as a "useless novelty factory" at one point, which I will admit was impolite, but so many of the games that come out either don't make good use of the device or posit some novel idea and then don't follow through. Kirby's Canvas Curse has absolutely nothing to be ashamed of in this regard. It is beautiful to look at and plays with a sensibility that feels classic from the outset. Imagine that gaming history had followed a very different course - with pen interfaces de rigueur when the immovable tenets of platform gaming had been conceived - and you will be very near the thing.

The adorable kirby can be tapped to dash through enemies, stealing their abilities, and once they are stolen in this way kirby can be tapped to utilize it - but primarily you interact with our elastic hero by drawing beautiful rainbow bridges for it to roll and bounce on. Whatever direction you draw the bridge gives it momentum, like unto a conveyor belt, and curlicue shapes can even be drawn to ream foes. Shields can also be created from the same whimsical material. The entire game is played with the pen, there's no additional button presses that require "monkey paw" style hand positions to manage the stylus and whatever other gameplay fantasies the designer attempted to inflict. So the levels just fly by as you react to situations in intuitive ways, with a level of interaction that truly requires the machine. I love it. I am a grown man who draws rainbows.


even before i got the DS, that last line already made me a buyer. it’s hilarious! couple it with the accompanying strip:



and how could i help it? so, i shucked out $35 and bought the damn thing. and i have not been able to stop playing. i go back over previous courses, over and over, trying to get the damn coin, doing the time trials, doing the use-the-least-amount-of-ink trials, trying to unlock the secret levels, WASTING MY YOUNG LIFE AWAY!

the thing is, the game is perfect for non-gamers like me cause it’s so freaking intuitive. super mario on the DS requires all this horrible multicoordination. one hand, move yoshi in the right direction; same hand, make him move and continue moving. other hand—make him speed up! make him suck up the bad guys! make him turn them into eggs! make him shoot them! other direction! look out! it’s a bomb! two screens to look at: bad guys and obstacles and general movement on one screen, but the bottom screen has the map that's really hard to read, the direction that yoshi is facing, and the goal. I CAN’T HANDLE IT ALL! i physically can’t do it while defending yoshi from bad guys and not falling off ledges. it’s too hard.

but kirby’s levels are more linear, they may be intricate, but they only occasionally require orienting yourself at the map. and moving him is a cinch with the stylus. plus, he’s so freaking cute cause he has NO ARMS OR LEGS. (i have a *slew* of jokes on this topic. ah, another time, little pedro.)

anyway, damn wes and damn penny arcade and damn the DS. i love it all.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

cheer with compassion - article

Fellow Cheerleaders Rally Cheer of Support for Recently Raped Teammate

BLOOMINGTON, IN—The Bloomington East Hawks varsity cheerleaders organized a pep rally after school Monday, in honor of a squad member who was date-raped last weekend. "R-A... P-E-D, nothing's gonna stop Su-zie. Yay, Suzie!" the squad cheered before the 1,500 students who filled the gymnasium to celebrate the victim's return to school. Rapist Fritz Hent, an East Hawks linebacker, will sit out the first game of the season as punishment.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

*weeps* ... *eats* - article

Boohoo, and pass me that éclair
They cry and eat while millions watch and click. This wacky, weeping site is an Internet phenomenon.

By Gina Piccalo, Times Staff Writer

Even if the video clips are somewhat disquieting, they're irresistibly funny. A guy in a yellow T-shirt cries loudly over a newspaper, his plaintive sobs stifled only when he fills his mouth with whipped cream from an aerosol can. A woman seated at a kitchen table throws her head back and wails like a wounded animal, then pops a Tater Tot into her mouth. A lanky fellow, his face contorted in pain, sobs as half-chewed potato chips fall from his mouth.

These ridiculous vignettes, along with 38 others, appear on Crying While Eating (cryingwhileeating.com), a website that has prompted 15 million hits since late May to become one of the Internet's most popular. It spent about two weeks as No. 1 on Google for a search of the word "crying," according to the site's creators.

The site's success, no doubt, lies in its absurdity. The episodes, all faked, are each labeled with an incident that supposedly inspired the emotion. "Afshin" weeps over his chocolate-covered éclair because there are "not enough positive news stories." "Demian" groans with a mouthful of mustard sandwich because he "feels like a fraud." "Nate" and "Sean" cry over coriander lobster bisque and beer because "they haven't lived up to each other's expectations." "Aaron," the man with the mouthful of potato chips, sobs because "his girlfriend is making him go to therapy."

Yet the site's appeal is rooted in something deeper than the absurd; the effect of the clips is actually visceral. The scenes evoke the kind of unself-conscious, shame-free expressions of psychic pain that few have indulged since childhood. They capture people at their most vulnerable, taking childlike refuge in another primal experience: eating. Yet the food fails to comfort, creating a wacky incongruity. Put simply, it's at once funny and disturbing to watch someone sob uncontrollably, break for a mouthful of éclair and resume sobbing.

"It's a very private thing," says site co-creator Casimir Nozkowski, a Brooklyn-based writer-producer with the AMC cable network. "Sobbing. Sobbing. Letting it all out. And then, 'Oh, this beer is really tasty!' "

Despite the site's homegrown appeal, its design and concept were actually quite strategically thought out. Nozkowski, 28, and his high school chum Dan Engber, 29, a freelance writer with the online magazine Slate, created the site to compete in a contest sponsored by the New York-based Eyebeam Art and Technology Center. The goal of the Contagious Media Showdown was to create the Internet's most infectious website.

Nozkowski and Engber attended the center's how-to "Mass Hoax" seminar, learning the essential ingredients for perpetrating a Web hoax with maximum appeal — humor, entertainment and slight discomfort. Then there's "dirt style," the aesthetic that Jonah Peretti, director of research and development at Eyebeam, says gives a site that do-it-yourself look.

Nozkowski and Engber searched the Web for ideas, stumbling upon oldmencrying.com, which features real clips of just that. They also found references to an early 20th century crying-while-eating vaudeville routine by actor Bert Wheeler, who later starred in films of the 1920s, '30s and '40s. But Nozkowski says their idea was most influenced by a childhood game.

"A friend of mine and I, when we were young, had pretended to cry while we ate as a joke," says Nozkowski. "It was funny to eat ice cream and sob. You have to use a certain amount of manual dexterity, but your body's totally out of control."

Within three days, they had filmed 12 friends, some performers, some convincing crier-while-eaters, and launched the site on May 19.

Bloggers picked up the link almost immediately, and it quickly made its way around the Internet. Soon, dozens of crying-while-eating video clips came flooding in from as far away as Australia. Nozkowski and Engber have posted about 26 of them with about 100 more to consider.

Days later, VH1 aired clips from Crying While Eating. Then Kevin and Bean of KROQ (106.7-FM) featured the site on their morning show. Britain's Guardian ran an item about the Contagious Media Showdown, with a mention of Crying While Eating; mentions followed in the Boston Globe, the Toronto Star and the Ottawa Citizen. Last week, "CBS Evening News" aired clips, and Entertainment Weekly included the site in its weekly "Must List," which was posted on CNN.com.

Marketing executives started calling, hoping to persuade Nozkowski and Engber to sell products on the site. A gallery expressed interest in showing clips.

Visitors to the site have voted three amateurs as their favorites: "Ryan," the whipped cream-eater, crying because he "missed a great opportunity," followed by "Spencer," who's eating ribs and grieving because "his conjoined twin didn't make it," and "Aaron," the overwrought fellow munching potato chips.

As for the Contagious Media contest, Nozkowski and Engber won prizes totaling $2,000 — the Alexa Prize, named for the Internet's version of Nielsen ratings, for most popular site, and the Creative Commons Prize, awarded for clips made available to the public for "re-mix."

The $2,000 grand prize, however, went to Forget-Me-Not Panties (forgetmenotpanties.com), a hoax site offering GPS-enabled panties to track wayward girlfriends and wives.

"We're just sort of excited to have won," says Engber. "I had no idea it would be this popular."


FOR THE RECORD:
Cryingwhileeating.com —An article in Wednesday's Food section incorrectly stated that the creators of the website cryingwhileeating.com attended a mass hoax seminar at the New York-based Eyebeam Art and Technology Center. The site's co-creator Dan Engber had attended the center's Contagious Media event, which included the mass hoax workshop, but Engber did not attend that particular session. The article also suggested that the site's creators came up with the cryingwhileeating.com concept after seeing a website called oldmencrying.com as well as online references to an early 20th century vaudeville act. However, the creators said they had already come up with the concept before seeing those on the Internet.

ps. happy 15th anniversary, mom & ppr!

Monday, June 20, 2005

gay marriage - article

it's too long for me to reprint here, but the ny times magazine has a great article that examines the conservative stance regarding gay marriage. i'm continually fascinated by this political/moral stance - though perhaps 'disgusted with' or 'disillusioned by' are better terms for how i feel about it. the article is excellent. if you end up skimming it, jump to the last 2 paragraphs - a must-read.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

recommendations 2 - kid stuff

first off, i want to say that kari and i have successfully converted marcos on to veronica mars. i use the word ‘converted’ a bit loosely; he saw it on tv and he liked it, without any actual intervention from us. still, being correct early on allows for a very satisfactory ‘we told you so,’ and a victory is a victory!

my second list of recommendations is a hark back to kidhood. enjoy:

smart kids’ fiction
a couple summers ago i retreated from the essays and textbooks that i had been flooded with at williams and devoted the entire summer to re-read awesome kids’ books. i did all three harry potters, as well as the classics (the lion, the witch and the wardrobe, the giver, a wrinkle in time, the true confessions of charlotte doyle, the witches, etc). there’s something daring about kids’ fiction; how it doesn’t succumb to the fear of being silly. but there is a specific time when i appreciate kids’ fiction the most – when it doesn’t underestimate the reader. it is rare, but remarkable, when authors of kids books don’t necessarily resort to the easy solution, and instead unfold their stories in a complex & intriguing way. i think this is why some stories really remain with us into adulthood—it resonates deeply with us because we are so impressed with it.

i’ve got two contemporary examples. the first one is the third harry potter, the prisoner of azkaban. usually, authors have three or so different storylines going, and sometimes those plots end up intertwining, particularly at the end of the book. but with books that deal with an entirely different universe, sometimes these plots are just stories to flesh out the world. what rowling does in hp3 is amazing – her ending ties together five or six different story elements that you completely did not see coming; little things that happened earlier that seemed irrelevant or that seemed to already have a conclusion suddenly proved vital to the primary plotline. the structure is so complex and savvy! my second contemporary example is louis sachar’s relatively recent newberry award winner holes, which some may remember from the movie version that was made a couple years ago. like tom stoppard’s “arcadia” (a work of genius! and hilarious to boot), holes tells a modern story at the same time as a historical one, and the interesting part is where the two overlap – and possibly influence each other. a fairly advanced style, considering i think the thing was aimed at 9-13 year olds. anyway, i hadn’t read or heard anything about this book before i bought it for ry, so by the time the ending rolled around, and all these separate, ridiculous elements just wove themselves together, i was sold.

mac & cheese
especially if you add a bit of your own, real, (i like mild) cheddar on top. mmmm. there’s something to be said for easy mac, too. it’s horrible for you (*so* salty) but it’s awesome! you can make it so fast!

one more thing about mac & cheese – some moms make it with the breadcrumbs or something on top and then bake it. i have never made this. it’s delicious. i’ve only had personal experience making it from the box (annie’s is quite yummy, even if it’s from a box), but if anyone has the recipe for the kind with the breadcrumbs…send it my way.

cartoons
…especially on saturday mornings! there’s something about sleepily rooting for a superhero to beat the bad guy and get the girl that’s a very satisfying way to start one’s weekend. a short list of cartoons that i (and my family!) enjoy (or have in the past): "spiderman TAS," "xmen TAS," "the new adventures of batman & superman," "mighty max" (man, that’s old, i wonder if anyone remembers it), "gargoyles," "adventures of chip and dale," "darkwing duck"… ryry also liked "jackie chan adventures" (not my favorite), "xmen evolution" (eeeehhhh), and "fairly oddparents". now, of course, we’re all about the "family guy." but back in the day, the classics were it! looking back, the old "xmen" storylines actually followed the gist of the comics themselves (ie, pretty dark for kid stuff), and "gargoyles" definitely worked in some of that complex storytelling i spoke about before (c'mon, what other kids series dealt with main villans from shakespeare?!). good stuff.

comments welcome.

Saturday, June 04, 2005

last day

so today was my last day at the mayor's office. i am finally free, from my crazy boss and hectic stress and downtown LA traffic and last minute press conferences and missed meals.

i stole a -ton- of office supplies.

monday, i'll start my summer internship with toyota. (no rest for the weary.) (or wary? weary, i think) i'm nervous about starting somewhere new, even though they seem very exicted to be getting an intern with professional work experience. actually, that's probably part of my problem - i'm so concerned that i'll get there and they'll realize i'm a total hack, and all my "experience" entailed at the mayor's office was avoiding my boss and procrastinating. it's not entirely true, but i certainly feel there's a danger of my real inability to be exposed.

the other concern is that people there will not like me. which is a stupid concern. because i know that no matter where i go, there will always be people who do like me, as well as people who don't, and as long as i'm not deceived about which is which i shouldn't have a problem. but i do let it mess with my head; all i can think about whenever the dislikers are present is how to be impressive somehow to make up for it. and then i end up sounding like a babbling moron or standing reeeeally awkwardly in silence.

i have found that boyfriend's sisters, in particular, do not like me.

at least i am consistent!